Monday, October 10, 2011

Sketches, Fashion, tribute.














Ok, I lied. This is a complete copy from www.myclosetinsketches.com, but it is an awesome idea and she has way better clothes than I do so I hope she sees the flattery. These were fun, and while I probably won't do these daily, I do like getting back to drawing and having fun with what I wear, so they might pop up more! Plus this ol blog was getting a bit dusty and it's time to get it back into being a blogger!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Times are a changin'

Now that I am back in this country, I am just thinking that this blog will just become my random thoughts for what I consider will/is the most changing season of my life (yet). It began with Australia, where I was put in an entirely new country, city, with new people and new struggles and I enjoyed and survived the experience. There I learned that God has a plan, and whether or not I like it will be accomplished, but He does not leave you see it through alone. This last semester of college I see as another change because I currently have no idea what will happen after graduation. There are possibilities, but honestly they are vague grasps at some attempt to find the “correct” direction. So for now I will trust, that God will continue His plan for me and while I search He will distinctively let me know by opening doors…even if it means that my next job is training penguins.

Before I left Sydney I left the world of Psalms and started reading the book of John. Though I actually feel more comfortable with the material presented in the New Testament, I have never read John. Why? Mainly because I, like almost everyone on the planet, feels like John is just that incredibly over used book. “For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten son, whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” Did you skim read that? Did it sound like it was delivered in a singsong manner? Well my answers would be yes to both and that is exactly how I thought about the book of John. Honestly reading this book has been difficult because I know the reaction I am supposed to get from it, you know the “this is the most epic book in the bible” reaction. That is something that I have to get over when I read this, because otherwise its useless to read. The one thing that has gotten me so far is that Jesus knew he was going to die, how, and the folks that were going to betray him and STILL He went forward. Jesus was asking people to believe in something different that what the educated and revered Pharisees were teaching as his popularity grew, so did the hate for him. There was hate for Jesus and there love, and in the end even those that loved him most betrayed Him. I’m not just talking about Judas either, Peter denied Him to the crowds…and Jesus straight up told him he would and Peter made a big ol’ stink about it, yet he still did. There’s that tendency in us to just go against what we know is right and it makes everything so much harder, I mean if Peter had admitted to being with Jesus back then he may have been killed earlier…and avoided being crucified upside down (you know if you had to pick your poison). Anyway, Jesus knew all this and yet in John 3:17 he prays for Himself, but it is about utterly bringing glory to God. He knew his fate, and therefore all he did was pray that the disciples be strengthened in their beliefs and they be the hands and feet of the glory of God because Jesus did not want future generations to miss out on receiving everlasting life (as stated early on in 3:16). So while I still do not LOVE John 3:16, and I think 3:17 is better…I understand that the beginnings (of the book of John) provided the foundation for the end. So I will take my changes and watch as they lay the foundations of the future.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

We are All Travelers

I have been so excited to see New Zealand since I came to Australia. I knew that whichever place I chose to intern in, I would visit the other (especially since it was between New Zealand and Australia). I have been excited all weekend…all last week realistically, which was aided by the fact that I knew that I no longer had to worry about work, I was just going to be a traveler! So I got here into Christchurch and literally it was the weirdest experience to be in a city that I hardly know anything about, without any sense of direction of where I was going to end up. All I knew was that I wanted to end up in the city in a McDonalds (don’t judge me, they have free internet and I had not eaten anything since my pb and j at 2am and my cup of coffee at 8 am and it was 4pm). I got to the city, bought a South Island map and went into McDonald's and began marking out the cities that I would plan on stopping in then pulled out my computer to look up and city and found…no free internet.

Oh America (and at least Australian Mackas) how you have spoiled me so with your very prevalent and free wifi. Though it was that first night that I was weirdly hit with this fact that I was a traveler. I mean I knew I was traveling and international, but I had never felt it really until I was unpacking in my hostel (in an all girls rooms…wasn’t that brave yet) and I was by myself just nervous and excited about the fact that I was just here to see New Zealand even if it meant doing it by myself. Later I met my roommates, all were from around the world, Italy, China, Ireland and all of us had traveled across the world on holiday or just a change of scenery. For me I think that it was a little bit of both, because it gave me a chance to get out of the city and jus see a different part of the world, different than the US and different than Sydney which was really getting smaller and smaller by the minute. What I mean by this is that it was getting to habitual. I was doing the similar things, with the same people and it was just good to get out and get back to being excited about other parts of the world and doing what I came here to do…see the world.

So here I am at the end of the trip in the Christchurch airport waiting for my flight that will leave in roughly an hour. What did I notice of New Zealand? I need to come back and plan to stay MUCH longer. 6 days was not enough to see everything I wanted to see, so my trip was cut short to only a few activities in only a few cities. These stops were a far from each other, and made further by my inexperience driving through very winding roads on the opposite side or the road on the opposite side of the car. This unfortunately cut down time that I was able to spend in cities because I was constantly moving from place to place (4 towns in 6 days)

A few days later…

Went to Cairns and felt strong heat for the first time since I left the US. It was warm in New Zealand, but comfortable warm like 80 or so and Sydney had been rainy since before I had left for New Zealand and then I was hit hard by the 90 something degree weather of Cairns. My first reaction: “Yay! Finally Australia is that warm place I had been imaging! Second reaction: “What is this Mexico? Why are there no air conditioners anywhere except for those big fans? Don’t you people know those only work for dry heat?”

Yup hardly anywhere had an air conditioner and most of my hostel was outside or only had a fan so I was constantly sweaty. My room did have an air conditioner, but it did not work fully until the second night when one of the girls found a way to put it just on the right setting, with the fan on full blast and all the windows shut. The first night was just really hot and I then understood while they only gave you one bottom sheet and one cover sheet. The air thing aside, my day at the barrier reef was quite possibly the coolest thing I have done in Australia. Before now some things were cool, or were cool because they reminded me of home, but the reef was distinctively Australian and amazing. I had agreed to scuba dive, but I was very nervous about it. Apparently it was very obvious because as I walking to put on the rest of my gear one of the instructors, the young whipper snapper of the group, was like “ya nervous?” and started playfully shaking me. My response to him was “yeah, I’m really nervous” with an anxious laugh and then as I walked up to a girl who was in my group she was like “are you nervous?” and I was like “yeah” and she was like “yeah, me too” but she looked totally chill and even had her own snorkel gear so I literally thought I was the only one! I got all my gear on, which is kind of like carrying a fourth grader on your back because not only do you have a giant air tank on you, but I also had 3 weights added on and it made it very hard for me to swim from the back to the side of the boat without being the only uncool one floating on my back the whole way there. I finally make it to the area where there are ropes are located that we will use to take us down to the depths and then he leads down about 2-3 feet where he then quizzed us on all the precautions he told us about earlier like not holding your breath, what to do if you lose your mouth piece and so on. The second I got down there I of course tried to breath through my nose and couldn’t because of the mask and then had a mini freak out then realized that I was connected to an air tank and then just began to breath out of my mouth. As this is all happening the girl beside me (the one who was all “I’m nervous” but was totally chill) is literally freaking out and is swimming up to the top and standing on the piece of bar that I am supposed to be fully holding onto and I am barely clutching onto the side trying to contain myself. Eventually I had to ask myself “do I want to go up out of fear, or do I want to experience the Great Barrier Reef up close and personal?” I then took a deep breath of purified oxygen and began to look around me at the school of fish that was passing by me, the bubbles that were coming from my mouth piece each time I exhaled, and the coral down below me…I could do this. I had the guidance of a trained professional and the chance to experience this amazing creation up close. So when the guide came back down and asked if I was ok, I responded with a yes (well an ok sign) and continued on with my tests.

Throughout these trips, even though I was doing them alone, I loved every moment of them (well until I was exhausted and driving around Christchurch for an hour looking for a place to sleep) and meeting travelers just like me from all over the world. These trips also made me realize that sometimes I let fear or doubt guide my steps and I forget that I was made for so much more, so why let them the guide? Sometimes all you need to do is take a deep breath and know that you are in good hands.

I got back from Cairns and ended up meeting with a Korean girl I had met in my hostel in Cairns, and even though I am not a native Australian I took her touring around Sydney. It was amazing to be able to share the things that I loved about this city with someone who was seeing them for the first time. She was a complete stranger 48 hours prior and yet by the end of the day I now knew that I had a guide and a friend for when I go to Seol. The people you meet on the “road” all impact you in some way or another in ways that I cannot explain. The conversations you have with them aren’t just about your major, or how old you are or any of those other chit chat go to’s…they are of interest in what you have seen and where you are going and what keeps you there. Everyone is interesting, everyone has ambition…I hope to always remain a traveler with an interest in people and a hope in humanity.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

oh yeah, i forgot to tell you...


Ok so i am here doing graphics work and since i got "a week off" while i was going to "switch" internships the first time, i didn't have time to plan a holiday so i just volunteered at hillsong and ended up getting to do some graphics for powerhouse (the hillsong city campus' group for 18-25 year olds) these are the add for Darlene check speaking! these are the snapshots from facebook, but here is the original!
It was exciting to do because a) its hillsong, and b) because it is totally not my style, it's more skater magazine so i got to practice using film edits on my photos and targeting a diff audience!

22 and Idealistic

Sorry it has been so long since my last blog, but things went busy and then out went my writing. So since the blog I have gone through all kinds of ups and downs with the professional pathways Australia and with sheinspires.com.au…there was a mostly down period and then I tried to change internships because I figured that I would much rather eat glass then have to mess with all them terrible folks so I prayed that it would be easy for me to change internships if that was how it was going to go…

And then it wasn’t easy at all. Emails were lost, searching for spots was hard, finding full time was hard (and remember, I am free labor) and on top of that every single message that I kept hearing at church was on pushing through hard time…not the really the thing I wanted to here.

But now I am here, and while I can’t say that everything is perfect that whole experience taught me that I just need be patient and strong in hard times. It’s not always the easiest or the most enjoyable, but God doesn’t put more on you than can handle.

So onto what I really wanted to relay to the blog readers of this… for the past two day there has been mention (from powerhouse tonight and from the leadership vision last night) about idealism and dreaming big. Tonight April (the speaker…I like that Hillsong has women speakers…I’m just sayin) mentioned how animals have trained responses to stuff, like Pavlov training those dogs to salivate when they heard a bell, or how dogs that are used to having an electronic fence don’t go past those boarders even when the fence is turned off and how even though we aren’t dogs we make our own barriers of “comfort” and that sometimes keeps us thinking small.

So it brought me back to my freshman year of college when all the election stuff was still going on, I had just gotten back form New Orleans and it was the first summer as a college student and literally I felt like I wanted to leave college and just go doing manual labor all across the world (well manual as helping the poor and needy in whatever they needed). I think that was partially why my grades were so subpar my sophomore year because I felt like school was just that really obtrusive step to letting me get to my main goal of helping the folks in my world. I remember that at that Obama wasn’t the democratic candidate yet and my mom was going for Hillary and I was going for Obama. I was all about Obama cause he was really pushing for education and I was not even concerned with my own (as in higher education) but for the required k-12 education (because if you live in SC then you know that it needs help not only in the classes offered, teachers’ pay and such, but also in the facilities), plus Obama’s whole campaign was idealist and hopefully and really I feel like that is what we needed/need…to believe again that we could do more for each other and our country. At the time it was around 4th of July and my cousin was in the area with us I remember him asking my mom, “is this really ok with you that she is disagreeing with you and candidate?” and I remember my mom answering with that she thought it was great that while she thought I was wrong my outlook on things were so idealistic.

There is this line in the MuteMath song “the fight” that says “the years have stolen my innocence…” and I feel like that is what has happened a lot in that idealistic outlook of mine. From realizing that I needed to do more to get a job/go to grad school, to pushing through more work to do better in school, to just dealing with the natural dramas of life I think we just get stuck in the business now and don’t think about the what ifs of the future. So that is what I am doing, I’m gaining back my idealism and daring to dream even in failure and difficult times. Before my friend Erica left she was like “let’s go to India!” and I was like “ok...yeah that sounds good” but in my mind I was like “ok yeah, let’s see how that will actually pan out” but you know what? I’m believing for India. Believing that I will get to travel to this amazing land full of color and spice to go and build houses or whatever gets thrown my way.

oh! and one last thing! here is more AU music (it's not all Aussie, but it is played on Aussie radio and it is awesome...as before, these are not edited) http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=D516A63BFFB71ABF

in case you missed it, here is the first Aussie Mix full of only Aussie music
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=23F108031F6DF3E2

Monday, October 4, 2010

Making the right decision

This whole internship ordeal has been more of a headache then I really bargained for (literally...i woke up with a headache one day) but i let the professional pathways people know today that I was just going to stay at SheInspires.com.au (my first internship). The main reason is that I can't afford 4-8 weeks while they find me another one ("find" me another one). At this point Belinda is willing to take me back (which I feel glad about this because I also feel that this has been a large strain on her largely due to the fact that it is only she and I working on this), but I am a little hesitant to what kind of place I will be entering again. Right now I know that I just have to work through anything and provide the best that I can. But not everything can be easy, I suppose, and this experience has taught me this much.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Encounter

Hillsong church was having their youth conference, Encounter, this weekend and powerhouse folks were invited (as in the 18-25yr olds). I initially was not going to attend. I had planned on going to the zoo thing that is not actually a zoo but a zoo type place where you can actually pet the kangaroos and such, but with all the work mess building up and me just having a crazy “I miss my people” moment at powerhouse on Wednesday I ended up signing up for it and planned on only going to the Saturday event (it was a Thursday-Saturday thing). Well I ended up not having to work on Friday, so that is when I met up the professional pathways lady. Later that day I felt like digging my eyeballs out with a non varnished, wooden spoon and I decided that I would go to encounter for the Friday night service, since they had a bus going there at 4pm.

Seeing as how I am writing this on Saturday, I can just say that it was a really good decision to get my butt out of the doom and gloom of what was…just a long week and into a place where I could just “encounter” God (Jesus/Holy Spirit). Now I can’t say that all the things I heard were the feel good, pick Sidni up stuff that I was hoping for…but it was the “life’s tough get a helmet” stuff that I needed. This encounter conference mixed with the book I have been reading (The Barbarian Way by Erwin Raphael Mcmanus) both just kept reinstating that sometimes you (as in I) just get to comfortable and we (as in I ) like to stay there, and even worse like to keep God there. But in reality God wasn’t made for us, God made us and I guess it is just something that is becoming more real to me now that a lot of comforts of home/church/work/school are no longer the same old comfort. I’m not saying that comforts are bad, just that, at some point you must…cut the umbilical cord. I don’t just mean not depending on your parents, but you know, maybe eat a coffee toffee frosty instead of a regular chocolate frosty. Just get out of your routine, try something different and live in your salvation. Because in these comforts we miss out on huge things happening, that we could have easily played some part in, or at the very least, experienced. These are new words for me too, and while they make sense, sometimes fear gets in the way of furthering and really, what is there to fear?